


John Egbert vs the Wizarding World

by goddoggo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Homestuck
Genre: HS characters don't come in for AGES, Hahahaha sorry but this fic is ABANDONED, John being a wizard, John is Harry, John isn't as much a cinnamon roll here, John sorta dies but doesn't, Not my main fic, Updated in random spurts, hussie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 15:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddoggo/pseuds/goddoggo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things happen, whether they be good or bad.</p><p>Bad things can include to, Accidentally killing a friend, Thinking you accidentally killed a friend, Being hit by a bucket.</p><p>Good things can include, Finding out that friend you just accidentally killed is alive, Being hit by a ping pong paddle, being hit by a bucket.</p><p>All these and more within! A few other things include, John being Harry or Harry being John, WIZARDS and MAGIC *cough* I mean SCIENCE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You fuck around with a computer, feel proud yet?

> Be… Whoever this is…  
You frown as the command doesn’t work, you try another.

> Be the other guy  
You frown as this doesn’t work either, it normally does and this perplexes you. You spot a flashing power button on the screen, it doesn’t make any sense as the equipment you are using is already on.  
Perhaps you should try it anyway?

> Turn on  
You grin as this command seems to be doing something, but stops after a moment with the words ‘Define ‘HARRY POTTER’ to continue’ appear on the screen.  
You are confused, isn’t this a story about Homestuck?  
You type it in anyway, despite your misgivings.

> Define HARRY POTTER  
You smile as it works, perhaps now the story will start.

Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, Our Savior From He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Youngest Seeker In A Century, Scarhead are all of the nicknames this boy has been known by- though there are others not even the boy himself is aware of, a name and title lost to time.

What are they? Well, what if I told you- young Mister Potter (Not-so-young-right-now-but-that-doesn’t-matter) used to be known as one John Egbert, of Maple Valley, also known as the Heir of Breath.

> Impossible!  
You cry- well, type, and I must admit- it does seem impossible, but under these circumstances- you’ll surely change your mind.

It all started when the Witch of Space, a one miss Jade Harley, sent the Prospitian warship through the fourth wall. We all know what happened, everyone got through safe and sound, they were just stuck in the ‘void’ for three years. [John also got these awesome timey powers but that’s not the point.]

Not here though, as in this version of events- John got a little too close to the edge of the ship as they smashed through the wall. Poor darling John fell off the ship almost immediately after smashing through the fourth wall, and as John panicked- he wasn’t able to do the windy thing and save himself.

Jade herself was concentrating on not killing everyone on board and so didn’t notice when John fell over the side.

 

> But wasn’t John on LOWAS at the time? Shrunken?  
You point out, somehow interrupting me and my response to that is I DO WHAT I WANT. (And this isn’t the alpha timeline so shush, things go wrong. It’s a ‘Doomed Timeline’ but because reasons that’ll be explained later- most survive.)

When Jade felt everything was set, she went looking for John- and then sadly realised in panic, he’d fallen off the ship. She tried many times to get a lock on his position, but failed just as many- perhaps more. In despair, she didn’t send a message through to the trolls- instead Davesprite did, it made mostly zero sense unless you were a time player.

The meteor got moving, but a small amount later- which in turn got things pulled out of whack, and whole lot more things went wrong. But those aren’t the focus of the this story, John is and I’ve rambled on enough about the others.

Anyway, when John fell off the ship- Hussie noticed this, and instead of throwing the coat over the gap- he instead did something that leads up to Potter equalling Egbert. He pulled a pingpong paddle from somehow and slapped poor john through the next wall, which he’d fiddled with earlier so it didn’t lead to the Alpha timeline- it lead somewhere else. Of course Hussie had no clue where it would lead (Or did he? I have no idea, I don’t control him.).

Somehow John passed the ship with the paddle whack and consequently died, as it was neither Heroic nor Just to die by a paddle whack he was fine- and smashed through the wall and into the unknown.

 

Hussie, being unhelpful as always decided to mess with the ‘Time’ settings on the wall and set it for roughly twelve years after John went through. And as it would take Jade three years to hit it, it would consequently be fifteen years instead.

Being nice for once, he decides to still give all four humans a level up; he somehow still gave John a level up even though he’d lef- wait no, there was a few seconds until he smashed through. *Ahem* Hussie gives all four humans a level up, and the Kiddy Camper Handysash with the Gift of Gab achievement badge.  
Up goes the coat, and Hussie leaves leaving ruin from his actions.

Back on the meteor Aradia and Dave explain they’re now in a Doomed Timeline because John’s either dead or missing, Karkat then becomes all leadery and in his words  
“So fucking what if we’re in a doomed timeline?! This grubfucking, bulge-headed nook of a game can go fuck itself! We can and will fucking beat this shit, so what if Egbert’s missing? We can and will fucking find the fucker!”

Everyone was inspired, and so no one died more than usual over there- other than Noir who I killed with magical writer powers because I do not want to deal with his bullshit, who’s probably not actually dead…

Anyway, back to John- now somehow a child, I can’t really explain this away… Well, blame Hussie- I’m not the one who messed with the controls.

John, now but a baby and nameless was found upon the steps of Wool’s Orphanage on the thirty-first of July, 1980. He was found by Mrs Cole, the matron and taken in- from her perspective he was only a few months old, a baby, young and defenseless. Who would leave a child on on a doorstep in the middle of the night with no warning?

Fuming at the stupidity of others, she took the child inside- where he lived for no less than a month until an old bearded man and a young couple showed up and adopted John.

Dumbledore, as a rule stayed far away from Wool’s Orphanage after Tom- but after a large magical explosion and leaking magic started to be detected from the location, he reluctantly went back.

After finding the source, little baby John- now named Harold, he decided to contact a couple who was having trouble conceiving. The Potters, James and Lily.

He had a plan in mind, as the child was clearly powerful, and obviously a wizard; why not kill two birds with one stone as the saying goes. Save a wizard child from muggles who might react strongly, and show two friends a child who looked made for them? Well… If one were to place a glamor to change the child’s eyes a bright green.

Cut to roughly a year and two months later.

“Lily! Take Harry and run! I’ll hold him off!”

And that, was the beginning and end of Harry Potter and John Egbert- but was it truly the end for mister Egbert? It certainly seems so, but this is only the prologue- so who knows? Ahuhuhu~

> Are the Alpha Kids going to show?  
You ask, you feel a little silly asking this as it’s fairly obvious that no they are not going to show as this is a doomed timeline but it’s not because of a twist of fate!

> BEGIN STORY


	2. Where's My Beloved Casey?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry does a stupid thing, John is slightly confused.

> BEGIN STORY  
You frown as nothing really happens, perhaps you’ll try being John again.

> Be John Egbert  
What? That’s currently impossible, anyway- who’s John Egbert? You’ve never heard of him during your Hogwarts years, but you’ve only been going for two years so that’s probably why. Perhaps he was a fifth year, you didn’t really have any contact with them- maybe he wasn’t even a Gryffindor?

Anyway, your name is HARRY POTTER, Boy-Who-Lived, Savoir of the Wizarding World.  
And you are currently on the train to Hogwarts with your best friends, RON WEASLEY and HERMIONE GRANGER and some stranger in a old and torn coat- who’s name is REMUS LUPIN from what Hermione deduced after seeing it on his luggage. He’s also apparently the new DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS teacher, as who else could it be?

Harry cocked an eyebrow as the train slid to a stop, what was going on?  
“What’s going on?” Ron piped up, asking the question on everyone’s mind.  
“I’m not sure, perhaps the trains broken down?” Hermione asked rhetorically, before shaking her head frowning.  
“Obviously not, they’d have warned us if it was…” She mumbled, rubbing her arms.

Harry glanced out the window to see it was slowly frosting over, what?  
“Uh, Hermione?” He said, pointing to the window- she gasped in shock, as did Ron.  
Their attention snapped to the door as it also frosted over, a few moments later- a figure in what seemed to be a ragged cloak moved to behind the door and slowly began to open it.

The thing’s fingers were grotesque, pale, long and spindly- Harry, Ron and Hermione froze in shock as the door opened to reveal the wraith-like figure.

Harry stared at the creature as it zeroed in on him, a faint ringing started in his ears as a girl with dog ears flashed across his vision- seemingly mouthing “John! John, please wake up!”

“Jade?...” Harry mumbled confusedly before blackness claimed him.

~  
> Retry being John? Select Y/N to continue  
You raise an eyebrow at the prompt, but follow it none the less.

> Y  
CHECKING MENTAL STATE… COMPLETE  
COMMAND INITIALIZED  
You find the terminal’s response odd but you don’t question it.

> Be John Egbert  
Success! You are now John Egbert, but you have a massive headache and your legs feel wobbly. You are hearing voices around you but you don’t respond, why were they saying Har-   
Your name is John Egbert, and you remember.

“Harry! Harry, are you okay?” Came- Hermione’s voice, John frowned and nodded slowly- he’d have to sift through the new memories he’d gotten quickly. How John knew how to do this was anyone’s guess, perhaps it was the Handysash? But that’s incredibly unlikely.

“Here, eat this.” Came a new voice, choclate was moved into his line of sight. John quirked an eyebrow, but took the candy and ate it- he felt better already. Memories were feeding into slots, his own memories were as fresh as ever- even the bad ones, but ‘Harry Potter’s’ memories were faded. Was he Egbert or Potter? Or was he neither, or both?

John could figure it all out later, there was more pressing things at hand. Such as, was he still God Tier? Was Jade, Dave, Rose and the Trolls okay? These questions wouldn’t be answered right away sadly, as John pulled himself into a slight meditative trance- after mumbling a quick “‘m fine.” to the slightly blurred figures in the room.

It didn’t take long to sift through two years’ worth of memories, if you just took the basics. Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were apparently his best friends… They were nice, but John preferred his ecto sibling; Jade and his other best friends Dave and Rose.

He was also apparently a wizard, and he studied at a magic school called Hogwarts, he was apparently the savior of the Wizarding World, which John called bullshit as he was a baby when it happened- somehow.

He was also the Gryffindor Seeker, flying on a regular basis sounded fun- but with a flimsy broom and things such as bludgers in the sky. John was now cursing Harry’s- er, his past self’s? Logic. This was confusing, perhaps he could just drop out… He began cursing himself as that was a ridiculous idea, it seemed he’d have to play Quidditch.

John now had to be Harry Potter until the end of the year, or until Christmas when he could leave and then find out whether or not any of his friends were anywhere on this planet. Wait, was someone calling him?

“Harry!” Hermione yelled right in his ear, John flinched- what the hell?  
“What the f-frick was that for Hermione!” He yelled back irritably, rubbing his sore ear. Great start Egbert, great start, nearly swearing in a car of thirteen-year-olds who’ve probably never even swore in their life- well other than Ron’s bloody hells but fuck was probably going to have them gasp slash suspect something was up.

Hermione had the decency to flush.  
“Sorry Harry, you just weren’t responding.” She replied sheepishly, John rolled his eyes and made an attempt to stand up before Lupin pushed him back down.

“Harry, I don’t recommend you stand right now. Encountering a dementor is a terrible thing.” He said, John rolled his eyes again and moved Lupin’s arms off himself before standing with ease.

“Not in my case.” He murmured, half listening to Hermione’s questioning of what dementors were from Lupin. He began to sort through the memories, take the important ones and leave the others. You might be surprised John was able to do this, but it wasn’t that hard.

As John has two sets of memories, one of Himself- John Egbert and one as Harry Potter. He got a room with two doors which abled to traverse his memories, the ones he grabbed would be about Hermione, Ron, Ron’s Family, Hogwarts as a whole, his ‘family’, most of his acquaintances, skills that would be useful and information on the Wizarding World as a whole along with whatever Earth history he could scrounge up because it didn’t seem like he was in 2009 anymore. Anything else was left, and would most likely be forgotten. And once they were, his brain would have more room again- having two sets of memories isn’t good for anyone.

John feigned sleep while he sorted, and managed to finish just as they reached Hogwarts.

He glanced at the skeleton-like black horse-type creatures pulling the carriages, no one else seemed to be reacting- perhaps only he could see them? No, stupid idea as John spotted a blonde-haired Ravenclaw patting one before hopping in the carriage.

“Harry! C’mon mate, you’ve been spacing out a lot lately.” Ron called, he turned and shot the boy a weak grin before joining him in the carriage. He then immediately began talking about Quidditch, oh great- John didn’t really want to hear about it as Quidditch wasn’t really an interest now- nor was knowing Chudley Cannons facts. Flying yes, deathball no.

John really wished Casey was here, he jolted- eyes wide. Was his sylladex still a thing? A quick glance into his mind met with a plethora of cards, yep- working then.  
Thankfully, no Casey- who knows how she might’ve been after all this time.

John gave Ron a small smile and nodded as the boy came up for breath, it wasn’t that he disliked them- it’s just they were more acquaintances currently than anything else, it was sure to change- but he was sure whether or not it was such a good idea.

His memories from being Potter saw them as friends, which skewed John’s view a bit- but he as a whole didn’t really know them as he had only grabbed the bare minimum about them as he’d put more energy into figuring out Potter’s behavior patterns. Most of which was John, but a few were new such as procrastinating homework, not being interested in theory were just a couple things John had decided were going to have to go. If anything, he could blame puberty for his new interest in such things.

> Be the other guy


	3. A Change Of Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeee, free choice! Wait, no, no free choice here,

> Be the other guy  
You are now at a character selection screen, this much free will- wait, two options are greyed out. So much for free will.  
Which other guy?  
> John Egbert  
> Ron Weasley  
> Hermione Granger

===>  
Your name is RON WEASLEY, your best friends are HARRY POTTER and HERMIONE GRANGER.  
You enjoy a PLETHORA of HOBBIES, such as QUIDDITCH, CHESS and avoiding SPIDERS at all COSTS.  
You are currently worried over how Harry is acting, he hasn’t been himself since that creature Professor Lupin called a DEMENTOR made Harry pass out.

Ron: Look at Harry to see if he was listening  
Ron frowned slightly at the voice that somehow appeared in his head, but it was giving good advice- so perhaps he should follow it.  
Ron paused in his ramblings about quidditch and took a glance at Harry, who gave a small smile and a nod in reply. He’d actually asked a question- it seemed he hadn’t been listening.

Ron gave a smile back, it was a small one- but Harry brightened and gestured for him to continue, which he did- but he kept repeating several things, swapped around but still. If Harry had been listening he’d have caught it by now, it appeared he wasn’t.

“Harry, are you alright mate?” Ron asked, Harry didn’t respond- Ron repeated the question causing him to give a slight jolt.  
“Yeah, I’m fine Ron.” He replied, another smile- fake, Ron could tell that from miles away.  
“You don’t seem to be listening.” Ron pointed out, nobody said he had any tact whatsoever.  
“I don’t? But I am!” Harry replied, a confused frown- wait was that surprise? Hm, just his imagination then.

“Then what was I talking about?” He asked.  
“Uh… The Chudley Cannons and how you’re sure they’ll win next game?” Damn, he was right- perhaps he he’d been wrong and Harry had been listening.  
“Sorry Harry, I guess I’m a little worried from that dementor.” Ron said sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.  
“It’s fine Ron, if I were you- I’d be worried too.” Harry said with a smile.

Ron was about to reply when the carriage halted, they’d reached the castle.

> Be John  
You are now John, you’re slightly worried Ron as read you like a book. Hopefully that’ll change as you slowly change what people think of normal for your new persona.

> Explain why John is being all secretive  
You ask the terminal, feeling confused- isn’t John a happy-go-lucky boy?

Sadly, Harry’s memories did change John- for better or worse (Or because the author cannot write John without him being OOC for some reason.).  
Because of Voldemort, Dumbledore not telling him things and Ron and Hermione sometimes being quite secretive- John is now a bit jaded and won’t go shouting to the hills he’s John Egbert not Harry Potter.

He’s still John, but he’s less trusting now- and he was never naive in the first place, but he’s decided even though his memories as Potter pose some people in a good light and others in bad ‘See, ‘Define SEVERUS SNAPE’ for more information.’, he’s decided to give everyone except those everyone views as evil ‘See, ‘Define TOM RIDDLE’ or ‘Define VOLDEMORT’ for more information.’ such as Voldemort.

When John’s alone, we’ll see him geeking out over ghosts, and feeling sad and alone because no one understands.

You decide that’s enough exposition, but are curious about Snape- but you’ll define him at a later date, perhaps when he enters?

> Be John, again  
You are now John, again.  
Because of the dementor, Professor Lupin recommended you go to the hospital wing. You weren’t going to go, but with both Hermione and Ron saying you should- you caved. So instead of going to the Great Hall like everyone else, the three of you went to Madam Pomfrey.  
It irritated you as you were perfectly fine, but Hermione had apparently observing you and noticed little things which were you but apparently Harry didn’t do. Which she mentioned to Madam Pomfrey, landing you the night in the hospital wing. How fun. There had been a possibility of getting to see the sorting, fat chance now.

John huffed and glared at the ceiling, dinner had been roughly an hour ago- and visiting hours had finished only ten minutes ago. He was stuck in the hospital wing, alone, annoyed and with a strong feeling to start cursing.

John calmed down slightly as he felt the draft from the door at the end of the wing, it was something that kept happening. It was like the wind was alive of sorts and was soothing him, it was a thing that had started happening after he’d gone God Tier.  
It wasn’t annoying, just more confusing than anything.

Actually, this gave John an idea.  
Moving a hand through the air, John let out his awareness into the surrounding area- it was something he hadn’t done since awakening and it felt good to let it out, like stretching a cramped muscle.

After doing so, John began doing the windy thing- the air around him was quickly pulled into a small tornado that he kept going in the palm of his hand.  
That confirmed he was still God Tier which was good, it also meant he was probably immortal unless he had a heroic or just death. Actually, that was probably how he survived that killing curse from Voldemort!

John grinned at the thought, fiddling with the small tornado- before making it vanish, his spirits lifted.  
With much more happy thoughts, he moved into a more comfortable position and tried to fall into dreamland.

> Doesn’t he have a horcrux?  
You enquire, it’s an intelligent question- does John have Voldemort’s soul in his scar?

One that I will happily answer, it’s a possibility. I’m not going to give you a definite answer! That’s not how these things work, you can ask questions- sure! It’s not like I could answer falsely or anything… Ahuhuhu~

John still looks like John, but with Harry’s bright green eyes and lightening bolt scar. Why would he still have the scar if he didn’t have a horcrux? And another question, did John actually die as a child and his Heir of Breath status resuscitate him- or did Lily’s ‘love’ (I call dark/blood magicks) save him?

These questions are going to probably be answered later in the story, it’s only chapter 2 after all! 

You feel dissatisfied at my answer, before trying to do a nice thing for John. And I say try.

> John: Have no nightterrors  
This command fails spectacularly. You tried, have a gold star!

 

John wakes up with a pained gasp, shivering slightly as he pulled the blankets closer to his body. He glanced around the hospital wing, it was day; early morning John estimated.

He fell back from where he’d bolted upright, a sigh could be heard as he stared at the ceiling.  
“It’s just nightterrors, it wasn’t real…” John trailed off with a weak laugh, terrified tears threatening to flow. But there was a possibility what he saw was real, shaking the horrible though from his head- John took a deep breath, time to start the day.  
After sitting up properly, he dried his eyes of any tears that had fallen and swung his legs to get out of the bed, just as Madam Pomfrey came through the door.

“Potter! What are you doing?” She half yelled, striding over to the bed.  
“I’m getting out of bed?” John replied, slightly confused.  
“Potter… Let me run some diagnostic spells first so I can see if you can leave.” Pomfrey said, pulling out her wand and muttering several spells too quickly for John to catch.

After a moment, she gave him a slight glare before the expression dropped.  
“You’re free to go, honestly Potter- I think you’ve broken the school record for earliest hospitalisation.” Pomfrey said making a ‘move it’ gesture.  
“Off you pop, you have about an hour until classes start.” She added.

“Okay Madam Pomfrey.” John said with a smile, quickly jumping out of bed and leaving the wing- not forgetting his wand or glasses thankfully.

> John: Get ready for classes


End file.
